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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Guest blogger, Donna Fasano:
A Life of Comedic Plights

Today's guest blogger is Donna Fasano, author of The Merry-Go-Round and Taking Love in Stride. Donna has written over thirty books under both her own name and her pen name, Donna Clayton.

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A Life of Comedic Plights
Donna Fasano

            I told my husband I agreed to write a funny story for Cookie's Mom and that I was thinking of writing a travel piece. He didn't ask who Cookie's Mom was, or why she needed this story. He simply started rattling off farcical anecdotes, and it didn't take long to realize the common denominator in all of them was ME. I instantly heard the character named Michele from American Pie saying, "One time, at band camp. . ."
            The conversation went something like this:
            Dear Husband (DH): "How about that time when we were in France, and you went out for lunch and ordered lemon sorbet?" He chuckled. "When I returned from the conference you couldn't sit up straight. I don't know how you made it back to the hotel."
            Hey, the temperature was soaring that day in Antibes. The picture on the dessert menu looked cold and refreshing. How was I supposed to know two jiggers of vodka would be poured over the scoops of icy deliciousness? 
            I murmured, "It was the best sorbet I've ever eaten."
            DH: "And how about that time you went out for a walk in Harrogate and didn't return until nearly dark?" He grinned and shook his head. "Thought I was going to have to gather a search party."
            Who would have guessed that the tiny hamlet towns of the UK have blocks that rarely consist of four, neat right-angled turns? I can still hear the soft Scottish brogue of my hero when he said, "Ah, but you're a wee bit off." 
            DH: "And how about that time in Brussels when you marched up to that bakery window and asked for a loaf of pain?" He laughed outright.
            Now, wait. That was an honest mistake. I knew 40% of the people of Belgium speak French, but my hunger was such that I merely forgot French isn't a phonetic language. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
            DH: "Then there was that time when we arrived at the airport from Italy, and you tossed me the brightest smile and said, 'Oh, look! Of all the people in the airport, this cute little doggie chose to come say hello to me!'" He chortled.
            How was I supposed to know the US Dept. of Agriculture has a Beagle Brigade? And besides that, I meant to eat that orange while we were in flight.
            I'd had enough of his help. "Never mind. I'll come up with my own funny story," I told him before turning on my heel and leaving in a huff.
            While having lunch with a friend, I told her about Cookie's Mom, my need of a funny story to blog about, and my DH's 'help'. My friend's laughter over my travel foibles finally made me loosen up a bit.
            "You have to admit," she said, "he has a point. You never fail to end up in some screwball predicament or other." Before I could bristle, she added, "Remember that time I took you to the airport?" Her mouth widened with a laugh.
            Images swam in my head of an airport security guy who, after rifling through my suitcase, ended up shadow-boxing me for a package of peanut brittle he'd found. All heads in the small airport had turned as, once again, I had become part of a spectacle. My friend's example was proof that these comedic plights follow me around everywhere, even right here on US soil.
            I sighed. "Maybe I should write about my own traveling experiences."
            I rose from my chair, accidentally bumping into the teen clearing off the neighboring table who slipped and poured the watery dregs in the glass he was holding down the neckline of a burly businessman who just happened to slide his chair backward into the path of the liquid. The domino effect couldn't have been more perfectly timed had it been set up by the crew of Punk'd.
            After offering profuse apologies to all parties concerned, we beat a hasty retreat. In the parking lot, I lamented, "Cookie's Mom needs a story!" I searched my purse for my keys. "I'll work on a travel piece."
            "Why limit it to travel when you're whole life is a funny story?"
            The blithe comment made me glance up to see my friend looking pointedly toward the restaurant. My eyes widened. "How can I do that in 700 words or less?"
           

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Donna Fasano is a best-selling, award-winning author whose books have sold over 3.5 million copies worldwide. She recently acquired the publishing rights to her first 11 books and is making them available for Kindle, Nook, other e-readers (via Smashwords) and in paperback. She's a wife and mother who loves to read, cook, hike and travel...and refuses to let the 'country bumpkin' in her keep her from seeing the world.

You can visit Donna at her website and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Donna Fasano's books are available on Amazon, Smashwords and Barnes and Noble.

36 comments:

Adelle Laudan said...

This has to be one of the best blog spots I've read in a very long time. I think I need to read The Merry-Go-Round. I absolutely adore your gift of story-telling. I am so glad I stopped by from Al's place.
Wishing you Miles of Smiles :)

William L.K. said...

Thanks for the story! Very entertaining! It was a nice way to start the day. :)

Imogen Rose said...

Donna, awesome job! Yes... not only are you super cute, but you are talented as well :D

Andre Jute said...

Remind me to take the next plane to yours, just in case the captain invites you into the cockpit...

Melinda said...

What a great post - made me laugh out loud!

Anonymous said...

I don't think I want to travel with you... We would end up in a Bangkok jail, naked, with no memory of what we did..... ;)

Beth said...

We might end up in a Bangkok jail, but I bet we'd remember the good stuff! I'd travel with you, Donna!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like scenes from a movie about a spunky, lovable woman and her ability to trip from one predicament to another. You could be played by Emma Stone. Seriously-this was delightful!

Karen McQuestion said...

Loved this! What a day-brightener. Thanks for sharing your flubs for our entertainment, Donna!

RKLuchy said...

That's my friend! I remember a time in a little airport near the coast of California.......

Donna Fasano said...

Dear Anon #1...been there, done that. JUST KIDDING! :-D

Beth, it would be ALL good stuff! Well, mostly.

RK, you WERE there! You can attest that these things really do happen to me, and everyone I'm with.

Thanks, everyone, for the lovely comments.

Dana Taylor said...

Gosh, Donna, I'm jealous of all the places you've been! You sound like a living episode of "I Love Lucy." You should write a new sitcom-- "I Love Donna". And I really do!

Dana

Helen Smith said...

What a sweet post! I love Donna, too.

Anonymous said...

Donna,

I have The Merry-Go-Round and Taking Love in Stride in my TBR list. I look forward to reading them. I wish my life was as entertaining as yours! Thanks for sharing some of your foibles! I wish I could think of a funny story to share. The Lemon Sorbet sounds really good!

Linda Mc
aka ?wazithinkin

Nan said...

I have had the ummm, pleasure of traveling with Donna...
Enjoying margarita night at a restaurant near our hotel Donna, myself and another friend were sitting at the bar watching our sexy Latin bartender preen for the ladies and make a fresh batch of margarita mix in a bucket beneath the bar.
Our enjoyment soon turned to disbelief as we watched him comb his fingers through his dark curly locks and plunge them into the bucket to stir the mix.
I haven't had a margarita since that night.

TerryNY said...

RK, Nan and Beth, I was thinking we should ask for a little hush money to keep quiet about what happened "at that little airport near the coast of California". LOL
I will admit, it's always an adventure traveling with Donna.

Donna Fasano said...

Linda, I hope you enjoy the books. The lemon sorbet was delish! *hic*

Nan! I remember that! Can you say yuck? *shiver* On a much better note...remember the mudslides in Buffalo? Yum!

Listen up, people! I do not drink all the time. Just while I'm on vacation...and every other Saturday night. :-D

Donna Fasano said...

*hands Terry a fiver* Is that enough? Probably not. *digs around in purse*

Nan said...

Mudslides were outstanding! Who knew it would be so hard to walk across the parking lot back to the hotel after a couple of those? I think we had a frozen something or other too. LOL

Donna Fasano said...

No...you had a frozen something or other. I adjusted my halo and helped you to your room.

0:-)

athousandwordsvegas said...

I have pictures ... my house. Although I'd love to follow you around with a video camera! ;-)

Laura said...

So, what was the French word you wanted to say that ended up meaning 'pain'?

You *should* write funny books!

athousandwordsvegas said...

I love how the halo - and the person wearing it - have both fallen over!

Donna Fasano said...

All right, Ms ThousandWords...I know who you are. LOL (Do you REALLY have pictures? I try really hard to avoid that kind of thing. )

Laura, pain is French for bread (according to my French/English dictionary)...only it's not pronounced pain...it's pronounced paa.

Nan said...

Donna.... we ALL have pictures.

Laura said...

Don't say 'paa' in the Philippines when you're ordering bread. It means FOOT! :D

Donna Fasano said...

A foot of bread would be excellent. Especially if it's a French baguette!

Donna Fasano said...

I just realized my problem in Brussels...I was speaking Filipino. No wonder the baker didn't understand. :-D

Laura said...

If you meant the Filipino term 'paa' when talking to the baker, then you were asking for the kinda foot with toes. Eww!

Laura said...

Enough foot talk... I want to hear more from Donna's friends (and husband)! What else has she gotten into? You're not limited to 700 words here. C'mon! :D

Frankie S. said...

I just wanted to say that Donna's latest book "Taking Love in Stride" is one of her best. Yes, it is a love story but the adventure and intrigue makes it an excellent read for anyone.
You will laugh, cry and even sit on the edge of your seat. I loved it and all her other books.
I highly recommend that everyone makes Donna one of their TBR authors right away.
I will eagerly await the next book.

Christopher Bunn said...

Wonderful vignettes, Donna. Having lived in Scotland for a while, you're dead on about those towns. They're labyrinths, studded with pubs and fish and chip shops.

Karen Cantwell said...

This has all of the makings of a fun movie, Donna! :-) I see Jennifer Aniston in the role!

Donna Fasano said...

Aw...Frankie, thank you very much. That's so sweet of you.

Christopher, thank goodness I love pubs AND fish and chips. (And Betty's! Which is where I had visited just before losing my way. )

Laura, my husband isn't one to step into the lime light. (There's only room for one of us here, anyway. )

Donna Fasano said...

Jennifer Aniston to play ME! *smooch* Love you, Karen!

Anonymous said...

Loved your travel funnies. I want what you're having! Have read ALL your books. Adore you. (And your books.)

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